Alphabet Gumbo

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This is the end of the beginning.

The inevitable finality of the first chapter,

the two’s tango, the cat and mouse trap.

This is the conclusion, when the mystery is solved

the whodunit revealed, because this… is the inspiration

driving us since the discovery of attraction,

from the childhood days of sandboxes and swing sets.

 

Those, puppyish moments of youthful flirtation,

excitement spun into the web of our lives.

Each wanting to understand the mystery of the other,

but in that… little girls think, little boys are… stupid,

while, little boys think, little girls are… are weird,

and the attraction to equals and opposites

is a concession that mother nature cares not at all…

 

Adjectives and pronouns

unimportant in the midst of this mystery,

where broken windows of opportunity

carry electrostatic moments

of inspiration and attraction.

 

One would think opinions would change as we mature,

when time begins flipping like a deck of old cards, but no

as we grow the mystery deepens, but juvenile ideas don’t.

We make attempts to understand the new,

while attempting to control, holding to

the suspicious opinions of an immature youth. 

 

Chemistry coalesces in the midst of life’s experiment

and suddenly, the universe opens… wide and enormous.

A rare moment, but in that, something happens

in the sand crumbling between toes

at the foot of the magic castle.

 

It comes from a knowing smirk across a room,

a simple nod from the bar and the sip of a drink,

or in the mundane task of shopping for groceries…

when you catch the eyes of a stranger…

 

The broken hold of breath,

the sudden hopeful belief in something other,

the transcendency of everything in the universe…

That moment, when you know.

 

It’s not always like this,

lightning bolts and snowflakes,

and it is never the same way twice.

It can arrive in a moment or after long hours,

passing days to years, until a sudden blind realization

seizes, shakes you around and says, “Hey, I’m right here!”

 

That’s the tango, the dance of hit and miss,

the lost foundlings and where for art thou’s.

You want to see, to know, hopeful to be with

and the possibility of entering into the beginning of a we,

or perhaps an us, outside of them,

who never have and may never find,

one to compete or complete this living dream.

 

But of course there is no, one.

Everything is too big for there to be just one.

There are too many possibilities

and far too many circumstances

causing and affecting the outcome to be just one.

 

And what if there were,

and they were half or three times your age,

living on another continent or didn’t speak your language?

Are you supposed to hunt?

Use a google earth, satellites and GPS

in an effort to pinpoint the exact right one

you’ve been searching for in the end all be all?

Or is it destiny, fate, karma, or faith?

Will the universe just bring you together,

moving mountains and crossing seas

until your paths cross…

 

Time pauses, and somewhere…

somewhere deep in the recesses of stardust

lingering within the beating of two hearts, brains or souls…

You know them and they you, as certain as breath…

 

There is no doubt, without them, life will continue

though it will be, less remarkable, then you’ve always hoped,

without this connection to explore and share,

achievement and failure…

to support and be supported…

to fight, love, hate, and make up, through ups and downs

for the rest the time you have on this spinning rock,

you will feel… a little bit less, than you really could.

 

All of this, striking in the flash of a moment,

lost, the moment you catch up with yourself.

The urgency of the moment kills possibility,

the necessity of the right now,

afraid of the unknown, outside of the self,

away from your current state of distraction.

It is part of an unfamiliar world

which silences the inner spirit,

breaks contact and leaves you… wanting.

 

Excuses and pleasantries exchange quickly

and like ants, you pass on the concrete,

going different directions never to see each other again.

You convince yourself it is the universe’s responsibility

to make these things happen, though,

we constantly swipe left over trivialities

and don’t respond even when we want to.

 

The immediate conundrum of a connection is:

what will they think if, or my friends, or my family,

and what am I supposed to do if they…

You are hunting for something

you are too afraid to find, and if found,

will deny the truth of it.  

 

But what if… success arrives

and we are able to squeeze a connection?

The race is over, and we hope

we will never have to return to that bloody

apocalyptic battlefield of lost souls,

starting over and doing alone again.

 

We have sought and have found one,

and we have decided, and now, we will hold this one,

good enough for us, good enough for now,

good enough forever. A one in seven of billions,

not everything wished or hoped for,

but at least we are not

doing the dreaded Jabberwock of alone.

 

The truth of the one is outside of our vision,

blinded by what ifs,

family upbringings and personal judgments.

The truth of the one is they are beside you,

right beside you,

and one hundred thousand miles into their world

and not even on your radar.

They have similar likes and dislikes,

a sense of humor, and a smile that you create

and they create in you.

 

The truth of the one is hidden in the universal stardust

pumping deep within you…

if only you listen can you find them,

but the truth of the one lives moment to moment

outside of a ticking alarm clock and just as you,

they are on their own path.

 

The truth of the one may not be symbiotic with you

and that should be cherished,

your life need not end for them, nor theirs for you.

In the acceptance of this, is contemplation rather than denial.

hope and possibility where before, only fear and judgment.

 

In this, there is happiness, and contentment,

and the possibility of love… that four letter word

the truth of which escapes most of us, most of the time.

Even hope cannot find in darkness,

what one truly believes to be nonexistent.

 

So, go now, reach out and try something or someone new,

let yourself a moment to consider,

and listen to the truth speaking in you right now,

but you are too distracted or afraid to listen.

 

This is the end of the beginning.

And though it is not the truth,

it is what we all wish were true.